u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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