we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
