I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you had me at cake vodka
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
