I'm gonna have a badass scar
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We have so much sex to catch up on
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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