Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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