2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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