i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
