I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We're too hungover to prance.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
