dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
