I just pynch a tree in the face
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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