who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
