totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
