i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
