There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
