Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
