omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
