Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
