remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
