so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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