Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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