My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
