Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
