found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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