If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
