Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
