Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
