My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize