i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
