were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
