Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
