You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
