Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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