Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
