I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
