I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
