Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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