Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
