I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
