idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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