He had one of those small greek statue penises
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
