I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
