I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
