Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
