I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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