i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
