We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
