I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My vagina just recognized that song.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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