the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
