Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
