I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize