update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
