Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize