Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
