whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
