You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
