Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
