Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
