sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
