I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
