he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize