Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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