Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
the liver wants what the liver wants
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
