I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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