Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
