The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
