just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
